Food Fight at Arkham
by piratechicka
Summary: Food fight at Arkham Asylum between Riddler and Harvey. T for safety. Meal times sure are intresting at Arkham... This is a oneshot for a great friend of mine, you know who you are! I own nothing.


Harvey rolled his eyes again. One of the worst parts of Arkham was meal times. Not only was the food bad, but the company was worse. He would have loved to sit with anyone else, but he couldn't, the coin told him to sit here, so everyday, and every meal he was stuck here. No matter how many times he flipped the coin, he seemed to be stuck here.

Here, at the table that he hated so much; with Gotham's worst rogues; Poison Ivy, Scarecrow, Mad Hatter, Joker (who had recently escaped with Harley so neither were present currently) and now the most obnoxious Riddler.

Normally Harvey didn't mind the Riddler to much, they usually got along ok, but recently it was like he was _trying_ to make up for Joker's absence by being extra annoying. It was riddles, all day with this guy, and Harvey was about sick of it.

"What walks on four legs, then two, and then finally three?" he asked, turning his head slightly to the side and raising an eyebrow. Poison Ivy shook her head in annoyance. Scarecrow smirked, having figured out the answer, then chucked as if he thought of something funny. Harvey rolled his eyes; this was one of the oldest riddles in the book…

Jervis was the only one who looked confused. He turned his head to the side, and opened his mouth slightly in confusion. He scratched the side of his head as he thought. Then after a minute, snapped his fingers.

"I got it! A human! As a baby you crawl on all fours, as an older adult you walk on two legs, and as an old person, you use a cane, qualifying as a third leg." Jervis sat back in his seat proud of himself. He crossed his arms with a smug look. Harvey rolled his eyes. He then looked at Scarecrow, who was shaking his head back and forth; and had started picking at his mash potatoes again, smiling discretely. Riddler sat back in his seat looking proud of himself.

"No more guesses? Really, is that all you could come up with? Well then, I must admit, I'm a bit disappointed in you all. Harvey, no guesses? Pamela-I mean Ivy? Nothing; really not one guess? Ah Crane I see you have the answer. Not willing to talk though eh?" Harvey made a fist under the table; he would have loved to punch him in the face. He really deserved it. Riddler threw his hands up in air in an over dramatic fashion.

"A baby is the only answer one would need. It crawls on all four legs, cut off two, and it wobbles on two, give it a crutch and it has three. So simple, yet complicated enough that your simple minds couldn't solve it." That was the last straw for Harvey.

"Alright Riddler I have a riddle for you." Riddler raised an eyebrow, and sat forward.

"Ah do you know Harvey, well I'm delighted. Do tell, what is it?" Harvey smirked.

"What is red, and white, but normally green, and covered in something considered disgusting by us, and good by most?" Riddler sat back and smirked.

"Interesting… Red, white, normally green…. Disgusting… Intriguing Harvey where ever did you hear this one?" Harvey simply shrugged his shoulders. Riddler sat back and repeated the riddle to him self a few times, putting emphasize on various words. He snapped his fingers.

"Why a Santa hat, it was orginaly an elf hat, which has green, and is covered in Christmas spirit, which is good, and lovely, which we all hate." He leaned back in his seat, and waved his hand. "Clever Harv, but not nearly enough. Why are you shaking your head? What do you mean that's not the answer." He stood up. "Of course it is!" Harvey shook his head, and motioned for him to sit down, which he did. Harvey picked up his tray and threw the whole thing at him, the untouched food splattering all over Riddler.

"You have red hair, you are wearing your white uniform, but you normally wear green. And your covered in this disgusting food, which everyone outside of here thinks we deserve, and is good for us. So your not as smart as you-"Harvey wouldn't be able to finish his sentence though, as Riddler had picked up his tray and thrown it at Harvey.

**He's mine**. Two Face growled inside Harvey's head. Harvey nodded his head, and the fight began. The two picked up food, and threw it at each other, and it wasn't long before the whole table was involved in it.

At this moment, some very unhappy guards were dragging Joker to the lunch hall. They threw him in, not noticing the flying food from one table. Joker saw this and perked up. He grabbed another's tray, and threw it across the room hitting someone else. He put his hands to his mouth and shouted. "Food fight!" Everyone jumped in. Food was flying everywhere, as well as the silverware that Joker was throwing.

The food fight only ended when Joker had stabbed a nurse with a fork. No serious damage was done, but it was enough to freak the cell mates out. Everyone ran for it. They all knew that once Joker had a taste for blood, he'd want more. Joker looked around the now empty, yet messy lunch room. He sat down and grabbed a tray. He pulled the mash potatoes out of his hair and some green beans off his shirt, and threw them on the tray. He picked up a spoon off the floor and started eating. Ah how he loved the meal times…

The end.


End file.
